Remain Safe from Worst of Sins
One can solve a problem or question easily by knowing the formula. There is a formula for solving every question. If you know the formula for that question, you can get the answer very easily.
Now the question is how to overcome anger? First think of how anger sprouts? According to the Gita, anger sprouts forth from desire. Men generally think that desire means the wish to gain money, property, material wealth etc. This is also desire, but the real desire is things should be favorable to us. If things are not favorable to our will, we get angry.
There is no gain in having a desire because others such as your wife, sons, co-workers, friends, etc, cannot always fulfill your desire, as they to have certain ideas, conceptions, beliefs and desires that are different from yours. If you want them to fulfill your desires, you should also fulfill their desires, otherwise what right have you to get your desire satisfied by them? Therefore do not insist on getting your desires satisfied. The reason for wanting to get your desires fulfilled is your pride, a feeling of superiority.
If you truly want peace, root out your pride because it is at the root of all demoniac traits. All the other demoniac traits of Kaliyuga such as anger, greed, infatuation, jealousy, fraud and hypocrisy etc. depend on pride. Pride is where all of these malicious traits originate. So if you do not renounce pride, how can anger be overcome?
So, what is the method to root out your pride? Simply speaking, those who disobey you and don't do as you wish are helping you in rooting out your pride. While those who do as you wish, strengthen your pride. So earnestly, those that disobey you are actually your allies. Therefore, if you want your welfare, it is beneficial for you that others do not do exactly as you wish. These individuals are helpful allies in removing your pride.
Though intentionally they are not removing your pride and doing you good, yet indirectly their disobedience is weakening and removing your pride. Do you want your welfare and benediction? Or do you want a downfall or boost in your evil tendencies?
Gita says -
Dambho darpobhmaanacsh krodha
(Gita 16:4)
"Pretentious pride, conceit, arrogance, anger, harshness and ignorance arise in one born of demoniac nature." (Gita 16:4).
Therefore, those who disobey you are bringing forth divine virtues in you. When pride subsides, anger will automatically subside.
Now the question arises that people will become rude and impertinent if they don't obey you. There are two view points - if they disobey you, they become impertinent, but if they obey you, you become proud. Think over both these situations.
If you don't behave with pride and authority, and instead behave politely with them, they will be influenced by your good behavior, and at the same time they will not be pertinent. Therefore we should advice them politely. But if they don't accept your advice, do not lose your temper and patience, because if they become impertinent, they themselves suffer and their suffering will warn them and then their impertinence will go away. But if you behave with pride and authority, your influence on them may be momentary only. Therefore the method to remove their impertinence is to do away with your pride.
You have to live with the members of the family. Therefore learn the art of living in the family. The art is that you should perform your duty to your wife, parents, sons, brothers, and other relatives. You should not expect them to perform their duty, because as soon as, you see their defects and their duty, it means that you have forgotten your duty.
In the sacred books there is no mention that you should find fault with others, but it is mentioned that this world is full of virtues and defects and it is imprudent to see those virtues and defects –